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one man's trash

I've been thinking lately about the concept of mincing words. Almost every time I watch two people debate, they are really debating different things. Is this because each person comes to the debate already blinded with emotional charge?

I think it is really important that we stop cornering people, forcing them to defend themselves and tossing them out whenever we do not agree with them.

People just want to be seen and heard. Our inner children just want to know that they are safe. That is why we lash out and do unhealthy things. That is why we call people names, point fingers and deflect blame. We feel unsafe. If this happens, any sort of debate is just plain unproductive.

I don't care how mean and hateful you are. You are probably that way because at one point, you felt threatened and alone. You then latched on to the nearest group that would accept you.

Kindness can be incredibly disarming. Holding space for someone can be alarmingly revealing. You do not need to back down from your beliefs but let someone show you why they are scared to come your way. Let them unravel. Then assure them they are not in danger and ask if they might hold the same space for you. Respect works wonders. Hate does not work at all.

All of these thoughts came to light when I watched the incredible story of Daryl Davis. Go check it out. It spoke to me when he said that one man's trash is another man's treasure. If you toss someone to the curb, the enemy will just as soon scoop them up and use them.

That's all for now.

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